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Friday, October 24th, 2014
12:09 am - oct 23rd


I forgot about this thing..... Wow....

What a night...... It was fun and busy and awkward....

who would've thought

(Bleed with Me)

Saturday, September 14th, 2013
10:40 pm
I am considering the possibility that it is more than probable my life will end up ending because of suicide.... Not a depressing thought, just another "Goddamnit Imma have it my way" type things

(Bleed with Me)

Friday, May 3rd, 2013
10:28 pm
I just reviewed all of my 'latest' entries. I say latest that way because my last 10 entries span about 3 years so its a stretched list of 'latest' entries. My entries need to start improving or I need to make a change.

(Bleed with Me)

10:22 pm - IF you had a bad time.
( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )

(Bleed with Me)

Wednesday, July 25th, 2012
2:02 am - To be more human than human...
To be wonderful...... To be more human than human
to shed tears rather than splinter shields with stained swords
to fight with his mind that which ails his soul, and all others
to put one before many and none before some
to live selfless and selfish to his causes until they consume him
to have everything in life by having nothing in life
to be a hero.



Me...
I am faulted and critical of myself and others
I am faulted in the sense that I want the best for people and sometimes I go about it wrong
I am vengeful at times and calm, collected and compassionate at others
I am can be gentle or I can be ruthless
I am as fragile as an egg but as rugged as a diamond
I am aspiring to do good but in that I often do bad
I am ashamed when I have wronged and at times too concerned with being right
I am forward and acting in attempting to fix mistakes
I am kind and considerate but also selfish and stubborn
I am human and also not perfect

not that it excuses it, but often when I reflect upon my actions (both good and bad) I like to remind myself that. strictly speaking I am a very capable person at a vast skill set and I say that with no ego, it's just the truth. I can do ANYTHING I set my mind to, but still I'm just human. Just meet and bone and biological hardware and software (and maybe a soul) just like everybody else. Sometime I just get down on myself for wanting to just be better... better always better, always making improvements. I feel a moral obligation to be the best person now that I am capable of being, and sometimes I can take that good intention and turn it bad. It's a slippery slope and I know my moral compass and ethics will guide me in the right direction but sometimes I still just stress about it. The world deserves a better Ryan Downs.
Metacognition is a bitch

(Bleed with Me)

Thursday, October 6th, 2011
11:48 pm - Steve Jobs RIP
Steve Jobs died today.
I'm shocked too, because never before has somebody so distant in my life actually made an impact so big. Obviously you have computer and the birth of the technological age and ipods and material bullshit too but it's more the mac that I'm talking about. With this man's drive and determination to materialize a dream into reality I can now augment his greatest accomplishment to do precisely the same thing only through a different medium. What I'm talking about is the endless possibilities for the independent film movement. With the advent of the macintosh and editing technologies I can realize my dreams through his realized invention. Not to mention the amount of passion and sheer amount imaginstion this guy has/had is awe-inspiring.
It wasn't too long ago that I became defeated about the daunting task ahead of me. To make something out of nothing, to achieve a personal goal. To make a Film. Or too even make "something" of myself. I felt moved by his words at the stanton graduation speech he gave (time or date I'm not sure of but it was in the past and that is all thats relevant) and it got me thinking too.
Lately I have been working on refining the script of/ and working the pre-production for my second short film, Dawn of the Dudes episode 2: fear of the dark and have hit constant snags in the road towards completion. Nevertheless I have been staying the course and any self doubt has been layed to rest by Nancy, and it is coming along. Right now there are only two things I a fearful of: 1. finding a suitable Tobias character and 2. securing a library to shoot in. As for the rest... well it's taken care of.
I'm not doing storyboards for this short because they were almost pointless last time. Although they did work for setting up shots I have a vision of how this whole short will look and I don't presume I need a storyboard.
Anywho I'm rambling....

Also prepping on my next project I'm going to be starting on writing my feature length screenplay "beater" which is about a group of friends, and road trip, and the legendary end of a dependable legacy and this also excites me.
I could be negative right now and tell you and/or myself how far I am away from realizing these accomplishments but I won't because I'm going to be positive. So far instead of being this ==================================I far away from my current goals, I'm a few steps in the right direction, which is good because every great journey begins with the first steps.

So I've got that going for me right now.

My life is happy other than the frustrations of a birthing artist. So I am content. In love and with much integrity.
fuck yes :-)

current mood: naughty

(Bleed with Me)

Sunday, April 24th, 2011
10:44 pm - I've given you every reason to give up on me it seems.....
It seems that, in the irony on my life, great and joyous days are followed by bad ones. At least lately.
I've let a girl cause a rift in Derek and I's friendship
I've let my inner conflicts break surface.

It seems like all the bad things in my life have culminated on this day.
I've allowed my mood to affect my attitude and because of this Nancy suspects that I have a problem with her family.
I know things probably aren't as bad as they seem but I still feel ashamed.

(Bleed with Me)

Monday, August 30th, 2010
3:18 pm - :-D
I feel better about myself lately. Things are out of control, and that's ok. Me and Nancy are in love and that's great. I'm not where I want to be just yet, but with my efforts it gets closer everyday. I think I'm learning the importance of the journey, not just from where i've been to where I'm going but also the unexpected things along the way.

Me and Nancy stayed with Dad and Nancy a few weekends ago, and that was an interesting time. Filled with tubing, star gazing, fishing, drinking sangria, yellow boats, beauty, and family. Dad jumped on my shit on the way home about my choice of direction in life and it got under my skin for about a week. I'm no longer bothered by it and through cause and effect have developed a sense of pride and honor in the path I'm walking.
I'm learning the importance of dignity and patience
Talking about the path is most certainly different from walking it.

This will all build in time to be a reality and I have found somebody who has also found me and we share in the beauties of life, this comforts me.
For a while I felt like a man lost in the woods seeking direction.

MY writing has been trucking along, I've been developing things more personally. I've realized (again) that art cannot be rushed.
This makes me smile.

current mood: accomplished

(Bleed with Me)

Thursday, August 12th, 2010
3:07 am
Just got done watching Downey Jr. in CHAPLIN. First off RDJ did a spot on job playin the TRAMP. That being said, this movie moved me.
I understand Charles Chaplin a lot more now. He always said "if you want to know me watch my movies" and I've done my research. But it is just so movinghow humanisitic this man was. He was a clown in a sad world and despite that he just wanted to make people happy.

It's short and sweet. It's simple. I can Identify with this all the same. I aspire to do exactly the same thing. Maybe I can't save the world but atleast I can remind it when it's down, that life is still plenty beautiful, even with mud on your face.
I suffer the same fate such as his, but I am happy to have opportunity to have it. I'm really glad I finallly sat down and watch it, because I bought it several months ago for $4. needlees to say I took something from this movie profound enough that it will always be with me from this day forward.

(Bleed with Me)

Monday, July 12th, 2010
10:58 am
Sometimes I feel like I'm just another thing wrong if your life. Til I look at a picture of us and then I know that's not true.

current mood: peaceful

(Bleed with Me)

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010
5:20 am
It's 5:00 a.m I can't sleep.I'm exhausted but fuck (haha I said buttfuck). I;m thinking of you, I'm thinking of us. I'm thinking of the path.
Almost 5 years baby, what a road. It was out of chaos the worlds were created and it is out of chaos we fated.
It is unreal when one meets their reflection, and indescribable. It is electric, like dynamite, or a lightning bolt. It's in the air, in the sky, it's in our hearts. It's a connection.
It's was like a flower, that our love grew. Planted seed from sorrow forests to begin life aknew.

I'm working on bits and pieces, but I dunno what'll make the cut. anyways....

I'm so excited about our anniversary, that it may be giving me temporary insomnia. I don't know....
I gotta be up by like 8:30..
Camping and biking and zooing (maybe canoeing), cedar point, fresh made sandwiches, romance, excitement, s'mores. Man....
I can't begin tell you how much the world has opened since you came charging into my life unexpected, life a stray ball at tiger's stadium.
In the grand scheme of the great puzzle I know our pieces are together. I can't wait to see the knew poems and updates and such for days to come
I really should be trying to get to sleep though....
I've spent almost 20 minutes trying to exhaust myself

Tick., Tock..

Tick.., Tock.

Tick..., Tock...

Tick., Tock..

I love those Boomtown Rats.... goddamnit

current mood: Borderline coherent

(Bleed with Me)

Saturday, June 19th, 2010
12:53 am - a self-reflection moment.
I still have a lot to learn about the exertion of willpower.

It's hard to understand, I mean truly understand, the frailty of a situation. Today I made an assumption, and although my intensions were noble and good natured they cluster fucked a situation.
I can make the future happen, but now I understand that will power is best used with caution.

I didn't mean to make you cry brittany
for that I am remorseful

(Bleed with Me)

Monday, May 24th, 2010
12:23 am - Boom Baby!
Photobucket

(2 Organ Donors Bleed with Me)

Tuesday, May 11th, 2010
9:12 am - Haiku
Enjoying Sleeping Beauty
Angel in my Arms
Now I am refreshed

(Bleed with Me)

Monday, May 10th, 2010
10:00 pm - Possible Proverb? maybe? Im taking the credit
It's always from the Ashes of destruction that potential and creation arise...

(1 Organ Donor Bleed with Me)

Saturday, May 8th, 2010
6:32 pm - Just a thought
Today I was reading about the definition of eccentric which led me to read about einstein. Which got me thinking. I really and truly believe to my core that out of the chaos that is the creation and retention of the universe I am capable of doing something truly great. I Don't think or consider nor expect it to be a recognizable feat (at least at social or acceptable norms), but I can just feel it. I mean I don't want to come off arrogant but confident in this thought. Maybe I'm just measuring myself to my all time heroes but whatever, we make our own destiny. But I feel like there is just something I've gotta do and I don't know what it is (and I've deduced it isnt gas either)but I've gotta do it. That's why I pay attention to the subtle things, the rule of attraction.... to guide me. So far it has brought me a wealth of friends and confidants as well as an appreciation for life love and liberty. Following the absurd has brought me dreams and hobbies, fast times, and nature.
. Abraham Lincoln was a struggling manic depressive with a bi-polar mother but I think he turned out fine...well....minus getting assassinated.
There's just so much possibility out there and it's great.

Even if I get people thinking through my chosen art mediums (music,movies and writing) I'll be doing something I see as right. I know in my heart that the world holds a terrible sorrow juxtaposed with mighty joy and out of that contradiction comes love for the moment. I know I've probably said this also before but fuck it (haha I just said buttfuck it), maybe it is just a reminder.

Zombie Short has rolled into production with a May 21st wrap date so YEAH! You know I understand that saying "Art is never truly finished only abandoned"



after all....I think einstein was in a bathtub when e=mc2 popped into his head.

(Bleed with Me)

Monday, May 3rd, 2010
2:16 am - Raindrops keep falling on myhead....
So despite the many set backs, the failures, the mistakes, the hardwork and sweat I'm now completed with two major goals already for 2010. I've acheived 3 of 7 2010 Goals so far. 1.I've re-connected with writing 2. I've Completed Dawn of the Dudes (the Dudes Short film) and 3. I got my Associates. Ive fucked up...a lot and i'm gonna fuck up more, but at least I know I'm still climbing the mountains. At times where it seems I'm going nowhere, I can now take a step back and gaze through a small journey and where it's headed. I can watch the aspiring dreams of a 4th grader who liked playing with action figures evolve into a little bastard with a love and affinity for the art of storytelling.
You only live once right....assuming the plausability of eternal recurrence doesn't exist. But I have more confidence right now, this moment than I've had in myself for a while. A long time ago I was destroyed and rebuilt and now I'm finally beginning to see the efforts of chasing my dreams. It's a damn good feeling too. Soon I'll be able to cross-off filmmaker and musician on my life goals then move on to changing the world and raising a family.

But that's not til wayyy the fuck later. For now We'll focus on now so: Today was international Ryan and Nancy day and what a treat! Cheezy B Movies, walks with dogs, slurpees, board games and skip-Bo. Fuckin A man. I also showed Nancy Dawn of the Dudes and she liked it, said it was funny, that was such a relief. Here I am with what seems to be the weight of the world on my shoulders and a fuck load of nervousness as to whether or not I wasted all this invested free time filming silly fart jokes and ketchup faced gags. But it all paid off, I've got my workprint out to a few peeps so hopefully I'll get adequet feedback andfine tune me a no-budget masterpiece. I have a little more confidence in following the absurd again. Albert Camus eat your heart out!

This tired book may start writing new pages soon.

current mood: accomplished

(1 Organ Donor Bleed with Me)

Saturday, April 24th, 2010
6:01 pm - yo
You only live once, so go out there and own the clock...

(Bleed with Me)

Tuesday, April 20th, 2010
11:51 pm
Sometimes I'm just a fuck up.....
plain and simple
At least people can learn from me who not to be...

current mood: contemplative

(1 Organ Donor Bleed with Me)

Friday, April 16th, 2010
2:21 pm - If everything we sy has already been said then why continue saying it again and again
I'm so close to achieving one of my New Years' Resolutions, yet when I aim a focus to it, all the forces in my life are trying to pull me away. I can takes the hits, but shit man.... I got alot on my plate right now. Maybe I need to step back and look at the big picture again....
I'm excited for the 4/20 Deadline. Dudes' will be great

Eternal Recurrence

current mood: confused

(Bleed with Me)

Monday, April 5th, 2010
10:39 am - Lately..
Lately things have been looking up. I'm getting used to the feeling of carrying the world's weight on my shoulders, and learning to become more accepting of life's terms again. I'm almost done editing the DUDES SHORT and I know thats been a big underlying problem in my consciousness, but I'm beating and defeating that in due time. I'm beginning to understand my frustrations and out of that have learned self-patience and determination. According to my philosophy teacher (Whose prolly the smartest guy I'll EVER meet....the man studied under Robert Soloman) It'll take roughly 10 years of hard work and focus to build a solid film career. Starting small then going bigger is the plan. I've also learned to notice and take more and more opportunities coming my way these days. I used to have the tunnel vision mind-set of "This is my goal, this is how I get there, nothing can get in my way" now it has shifted more towards "Shit happens, just keep your focus" and I really feel more confident. Nancy and I are doing better, we're both still working out life's baggage toll left on us, and we try not to bring that into our relationship. But it is AMAZING at worst, yet still getting better. Things just feel good right now. I'm Bout to be doing a Zombie Short Film called PLAN Z with my buddy Adam and a few friends from work. Adam's Bachelor party....whoa thats another story for another day. Gosh So much has happened
Easter with Nancy and her family is always great. Casey likes to smoke Doobs and now hes got his card so.....can you say AWESOME FEASTS from now on over there (they're southern they know how to cook, but eating when you're stoned is just an unexplainable phenomenon). I got 2 more movies I'm beginning to Develop. I'm writing a Comedy/Tragedy (depending how you look at it) called "IS IT TRAGEDY?" about a man with a terminal illness and about living through your own mortality. To me it is a very personal and beautiful work of art (the outline is done now I just have to flesh it out). The other is a coming of age story about a group of friends, your first car, and the open road... it's called BEATER

Spring is here I can feel motivation in my veins. A new day has come and new Dawn has risen. America Fuck Yeah!

current mood: awake

(Bleed with Me)

Monday, February 22nd, 2010
11:55 am - Damn its 11:47
Just woke up. Fuck


yesterday was sweet. Me and Nancy just bummed around and colored while waiting for her NEW BED to come. That hsit is sweet, its a queen size and its huge, and its fluffy, and it doesnt make no noise ;-) . That shit is a stealth bed 4000 (not lieterally..well maybe..i dont know) and I love it. Other than that there's chinese foo,d trips to wal-mart and target, watching Dexter season 2 and buying dexter season 3. That show is an addiction, but whatever.
Also been giving serious thought to going to UCLA, but that shit is kinda scary. It is something I'd definitely like to do, and I looked up some stuff of their website and its right up my alley, and its a respectful school for FILM (like THEE film school), but the hardest things to do would be leaving family friends and My love. The best part about it is that Nancy supports me 110% even tho thats means not seeing me for how long. If I do go it's going to be hard but I know that since I'm afraid to do it that I have to if I decide that my road to take. I got other options in mind so it might not even come down to that. But still The gravity is working against me, and I refuse to be a victim of fear, I do feel fear but I don't let it hold me back anymore!

In other news...
Heard Alkaline Trio's new Cd and well..... not much to say
It's still Alkaline Trio and it's different but it's better than Agony and Irony. I actually like the songs alot (theres a few im skeptical aboot) and the bands going in new directions that I'm down with
Giggity giggity...alright!

Well it's time stop lollygagging I've got the DUDES Short to Edit still and the shit is getting close to being done. Maybe its Ann Arbor Film festival worthy. I don't think so, but that's just me being critical.. fuck it

You stay classy San Diego...

current mood: amused

(1 Organ Donor Bleed with Me)

Monday, February 15th, 2010
12:28 am - Freaking niggaz every way like M.J. I can't believe.....but today was a good day
Valentines day 2010.

It was a wonderful day from start to finish.
Starting at 8:30 with a pleasant awakening. Opening my eyes, to the sight of Nancy is always a wonderful feeling. And today of all days is a day to celebrate LOVE!
got up and about at like 11:00. Nancy came over round Noon, noon thirtyish. We exchanged our gifts and the shits was sweet. Nancy got me: 1. Season 2 of Dexter 2. A shitload of REESE's! (fucking sweet) and 3. Where's Waldo Boxers! (It took me forever to find him). I got her a Rose, a Big fleece blanket with matching heart pillows and some badd ass smelling candles.Plus I made her a V-day Mix(...We just talked and cuddled and listened to it) . After that we proceeded to the DTP and down memory lane. we went to the bean got some Orgasms hot...the shit was good as hell!
After the DTP we came back and bummed around for a while then left to go see the 4:25 showing of VALENTINES DAY at Canton 7, but we got there and it was sold out. Instead we decided to walk over to borders and peruse. I was looking hardcore for the FEB issue of gameinformer but to no avail, that makes me a sad panda... anywho...
We just decided to say fuck it and go out to dinner. So I took Nancy to her favorite restaurant..IHOP. But in order to throw her off, I took a goofy ass way that was unecessarily long, yet disorienting for somebody with a blindfold on (AKA Nancy). It worked too, she had no idea where we were until she took off her blindfold. She thought I was still on the highway (yes). But that dinner was good, as always, nuff said
Fast Forward to 6pm we get back to my house and make some slimers, relax, got the house to ourselves, watch dexter. We also colored some posters we picked up from Kmart. (She got nightmare before X-mas, I got Spider-man)

All in all it was an awesome V-day. Right now I'm chilln in my room, finishing my spider man poster and
-->smoking the gonja<--.
work tomorrow/then editing the short film
PEACE!

(Bleed with Me)

Monday, February 8th, 2010
12:00 am - Goddamn you Chuck Ragan!
Simple backbeats seem to soothe me.
If i could hold them i would let's say,
Take some rest as if not wicked.
And walk around enjoying silence.
A world away, elders gather.
Speak their tongue and hardly falter.
With words of bound, joy and grievance,
Simple songs, work and penance.

To drawn hate like a stone,
And walk the path overgrown.
Never to lay awake,
And if so for goodness sake.

Well down the road the deer are crossing,
And the grass is greener where they're walking.
Rattling beasts and heavy movements,
Mark them now son before we lose them.
Bear your arms ever so wisely,
Or burn them all if you have no need.
And dress to kill but kill so kindly.
A hollow heart's too weak and weary.

To drawn hate like a stone,
And walk the path overgrown.
Never to lay awake,
And if so for goodness sake.

Now call me crazy but all the old ways,
Of living simple are simply fading.
All we buy is time before we die,
And lay on down desensitized.

A wise old friend recently told me:
"An idle mind is the devils playpen".
Mind the gaps and watch them closely.
Spread the love but choose your friends wisely.
Love yourself to love your family,
And find the difference between wants and needs.
Be sure to stop and count your blessings,
Smell the roses and fight for something.

To drawn hate like a stone,
And walk the path overgrown.
Never to lay awake,
And if so for goodness sake.

Now call me crazy but all the old ways,
Of living simple are simply fading.
All we buy is time before we die,
And lay on down desensitized.

current mood: accomplished

(Bleed with Me)

Friday, February 5th, 2010
9:21 am
curiousity has gotten the best of me. who are you?

(11 Organ Donors Bleed with Me)

Sunday, January 24th, 2010
1:46 am
The definition of insanity is repeating the same process, expecting different results. --Albert Einstein--

Let's play house and get in debt for the rest of our lives, such is the mold of the american "family." No wonder we're tearing ourselves apart..

(Bleed with Me)

Friday, August 21st, 2009
11:01 am - Inglourious Basterds
I saw Inglourious Basterds last night and let me tell you....... WOW.....
Quentin Terrentino knows his cinema, and it shows. The movie is one giant homeage sprinkled with great dialogue,humor, action, excitement, and awesomeness. I gotta say this is my second favorite Tarrentino film now (when it comes out on DVD i'll have to review that claim though) next to Pulp Fiction. Without giving anything away let's just say that I like Quentin's take on history better! Who says you have to make an WW II movie that 100% accurate, sometimes fiction kicks so much more ass anyways. The soundtrack for it as well was phenomenal, and I thought well placed.


The whole movie,to me, was very reminiscent of Kill Bill, but with Nazis.

Brad Pitt's performent was also second to none, in my opinion it help make the movie. All in all I'd say that this one is for the books, he spent a decade writing it and it shows! Way better than Deathpoop fo sho! Go see it and do your brain a favor. (WARNING:THOSE WITH ADD,SHORT ATTENTION SPANS, ANNOYANCES WITH SUBTITLE READING AND HATERS OF GOOD MOVIES IN GENERAL SHOULD STEER CLEAR OF THIS MOVIE)

current mood: awake

(2 Organ Donors Bleed with Me)

Wednesday, April 29th, 2009
1:13 pm - Mighty Moprhin Power Ranger Guitar tab.... bad ass!!
http://www.911tabs.com/link/?5563224

(Bleed with Me)

Tuesday, March 31st, 2009
1:45 am
I had a lot of fun tonight.

You know it's funny how we take the subtle and trivial things in life for granted.

Conversations, to me, are the greatest gifts in the world.

You learn so much, and so much is going on. By talking with other people or groups of people you share stories, past experiences, jokes, guilts, pleasures, vices, secrets, pain, joy, community, etc. You find can find out "who" people are behind the mask, behind built up defense mechanisms, behind false identity. The overall interactions of people who are exactly like you, but not you at all. You can get glimpses of life through theirs eyes, their perspective, their view. Some of the best times I've ever had all stem from conversation be-it: camping, fishing, school, work, airplanes, bus stops, bomb-ass parties, late night star gazing, night driving, road trips, concerts, etc. You can't beat it, just can't. We see life through the eyes of the light spectrum, which is equal to or slower than the speed of light. Meaning things naked to the eye happen at the speed of light. Therefore life as we know exists past what we see, because we exist. We exist finitely, therefore we exist faster than out perceptions perceive what we call "reality". We exist faster than we can visible see, our reality is a painting painted by our eyes ears sounds tastes and smells whatever we assign those traits to be. We exist and have already existed. It's like when you pop in a DVD and you're at the beginning of the movie, but the end of the movie is already on there and you haven't reached that point yet. You're already dead you just haven't reached your ending yet.
anywho...
My point to that little dive into science-nerd-philosophical-Nietzsche-einstein territory is this:

Enjoy life while it lasts, It's as fragile as an egg, as subtle as love at first sight and it's over before you even begin.

-Peace

(Damn it's been a while since I wrote some shit, it's good to be back.....)

(Bleed with Me)

Tuesday, September 30th, 2008
2:29 pm - fuck
I've been gettin stressed out a lot lately. This economy worries me, we're probably headed for another depression. The rich have the money and wont spend it, the poor need the money and don't have it. Things are rising and the cost of living is going up, while raises and wage increases are at an all time low. and collectively as a country what are we doing about it? NOTHING, we're leaving the problem solving up to the bigwigs and fat cats on capital hill who know how to fart around with thumbs in their asses, while problems are pushed to the wayside and we are blinded by the election. The Shit stresses me out, I keep getting sent home early, don't get me wrong; I love my job. Mongolian BBQ is the shit! I've got to worry about paying my bills, paying my mom, paying back my dad money, my friends are still waiting on their birthday presents. School is gonna be fun to pay-off when I'm done. The debt adds up. But what can I do? bitch? moan? complain? Alls I can do is roll with the punches and keep my head up. Oh Tupac, you keep my spirit in line. Life is trying REAL hard to break me, but I'm still standing my ground. I fight for myself and friends. I will change, but on my terms. Come hell or high water, I'm not backing down. I still have my dreams and they keep me going. When times get hard I get encouragement from my friends, and regain confidence. I forget my own strength, then am reminded of it. I just think this country would be a lot better if we all cared more about it collectively as a whole and stopped caring about being woe'd by entertainment. More and more I begin to realize why people turn to crime in desperation, but like suicide, that's the easy way-out. It's funny like PAC says "Got money for war but can't feed the poor." Maybe that's just my struggle, my obstacle I must over-come. Sometimes I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, and then I realize I'm not the only one carrying it and that makes me feel better. I feel out of control, and realize that I'm on control I just need to take control. Aim my focus to things that deserve it. But sometimes its hard, and tough, but I rise above. Life gives me lemons and i say "lemons? what the fuck; lemons? For real? Alright, let's make some lemonade."
I don't know though, no real purpose in this post. Just getting some thoughts off my mind.

current mood: confused

(1 Organ Donor Bleed with Me)

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